Friday, May 24, 2013

The Joys Of Waiting on Tables

Well, I'm back. And now, instead of blogging to procrastinate in school, it seems as though I am blogging to procrastinate in life. I graduated with my masters in December and officially became certified to mold young minds in April. My life as a professional student is over. I have no desire to obtain any kind of doctorate, and for the first time ever, I can no longer judge the progression of time in “semesters”. Instead, I am seeing time and dates as most people do long before the age of 28. My years are no longer divided into cozy 4 month blocks of time that begin with outlined syllabi, a replenished bank account, and fresh notebooks, and eventually end with a promise to “do better next class” and a pleading call to dad for gas money. Now, my time is managed by the beginning of the month(Bills), and the end of the month(enough money for bills next month?!). It doesn’t matter how many days in between, because it is never enough. “Time is flying” not because I am having fun, but because I am desperately trying to stop it or at least slow it down, so that I might be able to decide on a direction for my future.

I have the tools and the education to readily pick a career, thus giving me the direction I so desperately crave. However, being behind the curve on the whole job thing has proven beneficial, if only slightly. To elaborate, many of my friends and acquaintances have been working diligently in the real world for at least a few years now. And it has been my observation that while some are very happy, there are a great many others that are incredibly dissatisfied with their current jobs or careers (this information is based solely on Facebook statuses and the daily complaints I hear from my sister and close friends in regards to the dreadfulness of their jobs). I too currently possess a job I do not like. Waiting tables is not what I intend to do for the rest of my life. But because it allows me to pay my bills and offers a flexible schedule, I have the opportunity to hopefully hold out for something I have a passion for. With so many people saying they “hate their jobs”, present company included, I want to be certain I am not trading one bad job for an even worse career.

Knowing all this and that there is an end in sight makes it no easier to wait on tables full time. Maybe if I could wear my cap and gown both embroidered with the colleges I attended and the degrees I earned would it make it a little more entertaining and slightly more bearable. Especially since many of the people throwing down their UGA debit card have only seen North Campus from the images broadcast on gameday. However, a robe would prevent me from reaching over the table and filling up that 7th glass of sweet tea and I’d probably end up throwing my cap at some child whose parents were under the impression mac and cheese is meant to go under the table. The point wouldn’t be to show off my education, but rather prove that just because I am a server, it doesn’t make me dumber than you (Disregard this if you graduated from or in any way associate yourself with Auburn, everyone is smarter than you.)

If you have never served or known anyone who has served, it would be easy to assume I am in fact dumb, and that my guests are smarter than me. But while I try and discover what my next adventure, sans the semester timeline, might be (and blog about it), I think I might also try and discover at least 100 real life examples of “really dumb things people say or do while out to eat.” From a servers point of view.

Simply because I love poking fun at the people I wait on, I’ll start right away.


I walk out into the dining room and notice one of my larger tables has been set with 6 menus and 6 sets of silver wear. The host is showing 1 woman to the table. I approach the table, and before I can even say hello, she finds it necessary to inform me she is waiting on FIVE MORE PEOPLE, FIVE!

“Ohhhhhh!!!! I just thought you wanted to spell check a small sample of our menus while you were waiting on your food!!”